so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
