they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
