please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I have aggressive nipples.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
