I just made out with a guy for $7.
Nicole vs. Life
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
