I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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