My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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