Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
