you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
