you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
