There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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