the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
