you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
