I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
