If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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