I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
