a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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