He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
