Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
