bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
