Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize