I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
