He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
