If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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