i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
