Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
