Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
