I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
