Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
