I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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