his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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