I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
