I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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