I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
