Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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