Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
