it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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