just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
