the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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