I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
