I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize