I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm just crazy horny about you
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
