i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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