a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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