You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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