i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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