he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
