is your mom at the bar?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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