he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
