i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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