he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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