theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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