I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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