so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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