I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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