So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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