Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
