omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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