Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
