I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
