im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize