I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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