Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
