I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
