I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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