Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize