i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
