Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
