Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
