We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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