May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
