Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
