I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
