Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
