we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
His hands were made for my vagina.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
