why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
