i just wanna soil my oats bro
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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