idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
