Your dad touched me again.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
