I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
