If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
