Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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