I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
