My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
