Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
