I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Randomize
