eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
