just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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