Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
