just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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