so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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