He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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