we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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