yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
