im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize