You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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