i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
