I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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