my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
