I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
