Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
