Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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