Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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