Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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