Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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