who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
