Im at strip club and am horny
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
