watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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