Can Purell be used as lube?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize