my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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